ELOSZOR HILARY
AZTAN JEIFER
MOST MI

SZABAD FORDITASBAN

MOKArtarsak!

Azt tudjatok-e, hogy miert volt a regebbi radiokon varazsszem?
A: Hogy a suketek is be tudjak allitani. 
(BTW szerintem nagyon guszta dolog volt az a varazsszem.)

Zolikam, a Parducos poen copywrite-jat Rozsa Gyuri azota sem fizette ki, 
ugyhogy most mar legyen share ware.

Robertnek: A tehen az valoban nem vas, de a lo az igen! (Proof: Vas a lo)
(Ez egy kisse Quadraticusos poenra sikeredett. ;-) )

Kellemetlen kaland rovat:
Meg amig otthon lebzseltem, gyakran eljartam a Csili mu"v. haz 
gyurotermebe egy kicsit felfrissulni. Voltak ott egesz jo kis csajok is, de 
engem az egyik haverommal egy kisse lokott, de elegge dagadt csaj (en 
magunk kozott csak Kiselefant-nak beceztem) tisztelt meg hatartalan 
bizalmaval, minek kovetkezteben tobbektol cinkos mosolyok tomkelege lett 
osztalyreszunk. Na, egyik nap a Kiselefant addig kapacitalt minket, hogy 
varjuk meg a Csili elott, mig vegul belementunk. Jo sokaig vacakolt 
persze, de hat ha egyszer megigertuk, hogy megvarjuk, hat mi a tu~do"t 
csinaljunk. Jon ki az egyik figura, meglat minket a kapu elott, & vegtelenul 
poenos-gunyoros hangon megkerdezi: "Na mi van uraim, miert nem megyunk haza?"
Mi a poent elesett/fancsali keppel viszonoztuk, & jamboran varakoztunk 
tovabb.

Udv: Nebulus, Chicago

Ps.: Just for the record: Nebula okan sem a Kiselefantra, sem a nala jobb 
kiadasokra nem palyaztam.

Kedves MOKAkomak!

Elore is elnezest kerek az esetleges furcsa betukert, egy uj geprol 
probalkozom, mert a regirol le akarnak tiltani.

A tegnapi diff.-eloadason gondolkoztam el rajta, hogy tulajdonkeppen 
melyik rangfokozat is a magasabb: a szazados vagy az ezredes?
Szerintem a szazados, mert 1/100 > 1/1000.

Ragsutcai ferditesek, amiket az utas(ittas)ellatoban hallottam:
e`lvezet - live drives
fasz - treesz
pina - 3.14*n*a

Na jo, megigerem legkozelebb jobbak lesznek!

Udv,
     O
     |\
     |_\___O
   __|   |
   ST.Wizard

Minap olvasom az egyik helyi ujsag allasrovataban:

O R A L   T E A C H E R S
Kindergarten in Shatin
REQUIRES EUROPEAN LADY
teachers to teach Oral.
Pls contact 9485913.

Hat eleg hamar kezdik, nemigaz?

Az olajaremelesrol jutott eszembe a kovetkezo egyveleg, ami meg az
obolhaboru idejen szuletett:

We SHELL not EXXONerate Saddam Hussein for his actions. We will MOBILize to
meet this threat to our vital interest in the Persian GULF until an
AMOCOable solution is reached. Our strategy is to BPrepared. Failing that,
we ARCOming to kick your ass, even if it takes 76 years.

 (__)
 ( oo    _______________
 /\_| --< See Yaa Later >
         ---------------
Zo Lee
Hong Kong

Zolderdo elvtars jol tud nemetul es oroszul (hja, Galicia ...) , de mindig 
csak Keletre kuldi ki a vallalata. Mignem egyszer mar keri, hogy nyugati 
kikuldetest is kapjon. Kikuldik rogton egy haromhetes vasarba Nyugatra. Egy 
nappal a zaras elott a vallalathoz befut egy tavirat: "Ezt nem lehet birni 
tovabb STOP a szabadsagot valasztom STOP Zolderdo STOP"
Lesz is rettenetes botrany, az osztalyvezeto es a szemelyzetis egymast 
szidjak, a parttitkar mindkettot.
Harmadnap a rendorseggel egyutt mennek, hogy feltorjek Zolderdo iroasztalat.
Hat Zolderdo ott ul, es dolgozik. - Zolderdo, hogy-hogy te itt vagy?
- Miert, gyerekek, nem kaptatok meg a taviratomat? Megirtam, hogy a 
kapitalista ferto kibirhatatlan, inkabb a szabadsagot valasztom.
Udvozlettel: Stolnicki Gyula.

'cseertesseek!

	ma csak egy igazaan roevidre futja:

	keet ahhisztokhata beszheelget:
	- mont, te vehhed a fahhkad???
	- nem, ... pehdig megeehdemelnee

	(kac kac kac)

	jooccakaat
	tibor

es egyebek. Akit erdekel, itt a cim:
http://coos.dartmouth.edu/~djb/GotG/GotG_top.html

Tamas

Kerdoiv
                             -------

1. Ir On a MOKA-ba ? (tobb valasz is lehetseges):

2. Szuper vicceket ir ?(javareszt):

3. Reszt vett On valamilyen szabadsagharcban,forradalomban,stb ?:

4. Emigralt On a Szovjetunioba ?:

5. Egeszen veletlenul nem lengyel On ?:  

Ha minden kerdesre igennel valaszolt,akkor On nagy valoszinuseggel:
Sid Vicsovszky lengyel szabadsagharcos,aki a Szovjetunioba emigralt

Bocs Sid,de a Te baszogatasod mar sportnak szamit a Moka-ban,ugyhogy
en sem akartam lemaradni...

Vegre-valahara melto ellenfele akadt az oltonyos ciganynak,egy
pitbull terrier szemelyeben(akinek 4 laba van es egy keze)

Most par vicc:

A cigany ot kilo hussal ter haza szokasos elelembeszerzo
korutjarol.A felesege rogton ott terem:
-Te bibas,aggya man egy kis hust,3 napja nem ettem.
-Eloszor igya meg egy liter vizet.
Megissza.
-No,Gazsi most man ide azt a hust !
-Igya meg eloszor meg egy liter vizet.
Glglggl.
-No most ma tenyleg aggya hust !
-Ha meg egy liter vizet megiszu,bassszaisten,adok.
Nagy nehezen megissza.
-Te Gazsi,en man nem is birok enni.
-Latod,te bibas,nem is ehes vota te,hanem szomjas.

A sadhen(zsido hazassagkozvetito) a lanyos hazba
viszi az ifjut,bemutatkozasra.
Amig az eloszobaban varakoznak,a sadhen mutogatja
a fiunak a szoba fenyuzo berendezest,hogy lam-lam
milyen gazdag is ez a csalad.
Az ifju gyanakodva:
-Lehet,hogy csak kolcsonkertek a berendezest.
Mire a sadhen megveto hangon:
Ugyan ! Ki adna kolcson EZEKNEK ?

A rendort megkerdezi a baratja:
- Tudod te mi az a logika ?
- Haaat...
- No figyelj,elmagyarazom: Van neked akvariumod ?
- Van.
- Tehat szereted a halakat,igaz ?
- Igaz.
- Na latod,ez logikus.Vagyis szereted az allatokat,igaz ?
- Igaz.
- Na latod,ez logikus.Ha szereted az allatokat,akkor biztos
  szereted az embereket is,igaz ?
- Igaz.
- Hat persze,hisz igy logikus.Ha szereted az embereket,akkor
  biztos szereted a noket is,igaz ?
- Igaz.
- Hat igen,ez logikus.Ha szereted a noket,akkor biztos le is fekszel 
  veluk,igaz ?
- Igaz.
- No latod,hova eljutottunk, ez a logika.
A rendornek annyira megtetszik a dolog,hogy masnap o is megkerdezi 
a baratjat:
- Tudod te mi az a logika ?
- Mi ?
- No figyelj,elmagyarazom: Van neked akvariumod ?
- Nincs.
- No akkor buzi vagy.

Valoszinuleg mar mind volt a Mokaban,ugyhogy nem is kerek kegyelmet.
Qudraticus tegye a kotelesseget ! Huss !
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
Kalman Tibornak: A haverom neveben is koszonom a vedobeszedet a
 baltas viccert !
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
Zo Lee ! Szuper volt a Jozsef-Maria vicc,meg most is rohogok !
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                              Viki

Tortenet az otvenes evekbol:
Tanitoneni az iskolaban, rajzora.
Tanitoneni: Gyerekek ma nagyon szep feladatot kaptok, Rakosi pajtast
            kell lerajzolni.
Pistike jelentkezik: Tanitoneni szabad korzot hasznalni?
--------

*.: Miert feher? Kato-nak.
    Tegnapi kerdesedre, hogy miert feher?
    1.: Mert tele van feherjevel.
    2.: Ha te most leanyzo vagy, te honnan tudod ?

*.: Szeder pajtasnak :
> Kezdo rendort kikuldik helyszinelni egy balesethez. Egy nyomtatvany
> kerdeseire kell valaszolnia:
>  Eset:........Fejere egy tegla.
>  Eszrevetel:..Nem vette eszre.
>  Nem:.........De nem a`m.
>  Kelt:........Kelt, de nem birt.
   Valamivel gazdagabbak lettunk, egy variacioval. Az elozo valtozat
   neked talan szinten rejt valami ujat : 
 Eloszor is nem kezdo a rendor. Felveszi a jegyzokonyvet, egy
 ipserol aki kiesett a 6-dikrol :
  Eset:........Igen, a 6-dikrol.
  Helye:.......Itt.
  Halal neme:..De igen. 
  Kelte:.......Meg se probalt.

                           Dr.Dr.K.S., 1994.XI.9 USA

Gyerekek!!!

Oromhirem van! December-Januar kornyeken ket hetig valoszinuleg nem leszek
gepkozelben! Tudom, ennek sokan fognak orulni. Arrol van szo, hogy meg fog
latogatni Sid Vicsovszkina. De lehet hogy ebben az esetben jobb lenne ha
felvennem a Sid Vicsovszpy nevet...

Most pedig egy vicc:  (Remelem nem szakallas)

Igor Jefimovics rettenetesen boldog. Megkapta elete elso Moszkvicsat.
Mar az elso nap tonkreteszi, es viszi a szerelohoz. Az megjavitja, es Igor
Jefimovics a fellegekben jar a boldogsagtol. Persze masnap is tonkreveri. A
szerelo megint megjavitja. Termeszetesen Igor Jefimovics harmadnap is
tonkrebassza a vadonatuj Moszkvicsot. A szerelo megjavitja, de azt mondja 
Igor Jefimovicsnak: Most pedig elmegyek magaval, es magnezem hogy mit csinal
rosszul Ugy is lesz. Igor Jefimovics, aki meg mindig rettenetesen orul az uj
Moszkvicsnak, elindul. Sebessegbe rakja a valtot, mondja hogy AGYIN, es berreg
a szajaval. Utana berakja kettesbe, es mondja DVA! Es persza megjobban bogeti 
a szajat. Kis ido mulvan harmasba valt, mondja hogy TRI, es uvoltve berreg.
Kesobb negyesbe kapcsol, mondja hogy CSITIRI, es mar habzik a szaja. Utana nem
sokkal ra pedig mondja: RAKETTA!!!

Tudom, ez igy nem igazan jo, ezt a viccet mutatni kell. Ha mar volt, akkor
bocs.

Gazember, kitartas! Nem kell felteni! Sok okorseg van meg a tarsolyomban...

Sid Vicsovszky, lengyel szabadsagharcos, aki a Szovjetunioba emigralt

PS. A problemak elkerulese vegett, semmifele lengyel kapcsolatom sincs,
ha csak az nem hogy a gimnaziumi padtarsam akivel egyutt buktam negyedik
evvegen es erettsegin lengyel volt... Szovjetunioban se voltam soha. Ez az
egesz agyrem Ivan otlete volt aki engem akart vele bosszantani. De ugy latszik
titeket duhitett vele... Sid Vicsovszky valoban Sid Vicious, a Sex Pistols
basszusgitarosanak ((?) erdekes uj infot hallottam ezzel kapcsolatban) a
nevebol ered.

Nagy mezei munkaban a szekelyek. Hirtelen tanal az egyik fiu valamit, de
nem tudja mi az. Szalad a nagyapjahoz.
- Nagyapo, nagyapo, mondja man meg: mi ez?
 Kezebe veszi az oreg szekely, forgatja azt a valamit s meg es nezi,
nezegeti, aztan megszolal:
- Ez valami vot, aztan valami megette, ez meg annak a valaminek a csontja...

(egy masik valtozat szerint latnak egy elolenyt es az oreg azt feleli:
- Ez vagy valami...vagy megy valahova...)

A patikarius ablakan zorgetnek oreg ejszaka. Kibotorkal ajtot nyitni.
Ott all az oreg szekely bacsi es szorongat valamit.
- Az Isten aldja patikarius ur, mondja meg nekem mi ez - es odanyujtja,
amit a kezeben tart.
Fogja a patikus, almosan nezegeti, dorzsogeti, szagolgatja, egyszercsak
kicsit kitisztul a feje es rajon mi az:
- Ember, de hisz ez S Z A R ..
_ haat, az lehet, lehet bizony...mert a gatyamban talaltam.


Ha annyit vakultunk itt a MOKAn az angol nyelvu poenokon, meg a tobbszorre is
konzervaltan-valtozatlanul bekuldott vicceken, akkor talan mindenki vehetne a
joerzeset, hogy ne kelljen allandoan elgagyogni ugyan azt minden ujonnan er-
kezettnek vagy feledekeny regi MOKAzonak.

Udvozlom KATO (kit rejt e nev?) megnyilvanulasat a feher geci temaban.
Nekem nagyon tetszettek a kerdesek.

Embalunak, aki nem vette eszre, hogy a milliomodik jubileumat unnepli
a MOKAn a pitbullos vicc:

- Mi az, negy laba van es ket keze?
- ???
- Kezesbarany.

Aztan van itt meg "a honap vicce" <molnar@...>-tol, ami tenyleg jo volt.

Hong Kongbol Zoli vicce kapcsan, amely Jozsefrol es Mariarol szolt, varom
mikor fogja megkapni a magaet azoktol, akik maskor oly nagy erovel estek neki
hasonlo vicceknek es bekuldoiknek. Vagy ez mehet?

Amugy pedig kedvelem Sid Vicsovszkyt, meg az O egypereceit, Kolos

Ha mar kijavitottad a testapolos viccet, hadd irjam le azt a 
zaromondatot amivel - ugy emlekszem - eloszor megjelent a MOKA-n:
- Fa testapolot kerek BARNA BORRE!

Egyebkent, az ismetelten bekuldott vicceknel az az igazan 
bosszanto, hogy torzitva jelennek meg ujra, a poen mar nem _ul_ olyan 
jol. Az oreg MOKA-zok ettol karmoljak magukat :-)
Toth Istvan

1917 november 8-a'n(!) to~rte'nt:
Lenin e's Trockij Szentpe'terva'rott se'ta'lgatnak a Nevszkij
Prospekten. Egyszercsak bete'rnek egy kocsma'ba. Kike'rnek
egy-egy vodka't e's besze'lgetni kezdenek ko~zo~s dolgaikro'l:

- oszta'lyharc, permanens forradalom...stb.

Telik mu'lik az ido" megint kike'rnek egy-egy vodka't. Tova'bb
folytato'dik a disputa:

- katonaszovjetek, fo~ldoszta's, kollektiviza'la's...stb.

Isme't vodka, majd:

- mensevikek, fehe'rek, minden hatalmat a ...stb.

A vita heve'ben Lenin u'jabb vodka't rendel. Erre Trockij:

- Dra'ga Vlagyimir Iljicsem, ne igya'l ma'r annyit, mert me'g a
ve'ge'n ma is akkora marhasa'got fogsz csina'lni mint tegnap!


Sziasztok       Zsolt

Hali!

 tegnapi viccenek az utolso ket sora szerintem igy van
:
Halal neme: de igen
Kelte     : meg se probalt    

(mellesleg ezt mar egyszer bekuldtem.)

Most pedig jojjon valami udorito!
Milyen a vegetarianus cigany no pinaja?
- Kivul retkes, belul gombas!

Jo etvagyat.

Udv, Tom

- Holgyem, megengedi, hogy hazakiserjem?
- Hat, ha nem lakik tul messze...
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
- Keptelen vagyok szakitani Macaval. Semmiert nem haragszik meg ram!
- Akkor vidd el egy Jancso-filmre, az eletben nem fogja megbocsatani!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
- Nezze, Pirike, az egboltot, amely szerelmesen hajol ra a volgy  
olere...
- Megengedem, hogy egbolt legyen, Joska...
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
- Fredi, ha tovabb szemtelenkedik, lehuzok egyet! 
- Mit huz le, Agika?
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
- Mi nyomja a szivet, Lilike?
- A maga keze...
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Kohn haldoklik, elhivatja magahoz baratjat, Grunt.
- Meghalok, cimbora...De meg kell a vegso szo jogan mondanom neked, 
hogy evek ota viszonyom van a felesegeddel.
- Tudom.
- Ott csaptalak be, ahol tudtalak...
- Tudom.
- A kisebbik lanyod tolem van...
- Tudom.
- Es nem tettel ellene semmit?
- Hat mit gondolsz, ki mergezett meg?
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Az ujjaeledt Isaura-viccek kozul nekem is eszembe jutott ketto:
Felkerik a balban Isaurat.
- Szabad?
Mire o:
- Nem. Rabszolga!
 
- Mi lesz Januarianak, Leoncio dagadt szakacsnojenek neve, ha 
felszabadul?
- ???
- Donna Tonna.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Veget ert a moka mara. Ciao!

A MOKA  509-ben megjelent vicc nem vicc, hanem anekdota, 
noha korabban magam is viccnek gondoltam. De valamelyik 
komoly tortenelmi munkaban (azt hiszem Karsai Elek:
"Szamjeltavirat valamennyi magyar kiralyi kovetsegnek" c.
munkajaban olvastam leveltari anyagban tobb hivatalos
taviratot azzal a korebali megjegyzessel: "Desifrirozta: Durugy".
   Ez az ember tehat nem kadarkori, viccbeli elvtars, hanem 
horthykori, valoban elt ur volt!

Raadasul egy vicc:

A buzinak vegbelkupot rendel az orvos.
-  De hogyan kell ezt felvezetni?
-  Otthon levetkozik, a tukor ele all, hatat fordit, lehajol,
   hatranez; akkor mar latja majd, hova kell dugni a kupot.
Igy is tortenik, de amikor a buzi meglatja a tukorkepet,
eszreveszi, hogy erekcioja van. Duhosen raszol hat a felallni
keszulore:
-  Te hulye, ez csak en vagyok!

A #512 MOKA-ban szo volt a limerick nevu koltoi mufajrol. 
Ennek szabalyai: (A) 5 soros, (B) aabba rimkepletu, (C) anapesztikus ritmusu, 
(D) szellemes es (E) lehetoleg malac tartalmu vers. Igy a masodiknak kozolt 
limerick (The Dean and the Bishp's Wife) azert nem felel meg a szabalyoknak,
mert a (C) nem ervenyesul. 

Elnezest a szigorusagomert. Karpotlasul egy szabalyos magyar limerick 
(nem sajat csinalmany, valahol olvastam)
	Hires, nagy bolcselo Kant
	Nem tudta, mit jelent: "CUNT"
	A bolcsek bolcse lett,
	Vegul a bolcselet
	Megolte benne a kant!

Es meg egy, ez sajat termes, bar nem (E) 
	There was a young lady of Shangri
	She was sick, she was thin, she was hungry -
	At a big UNO ball
	She wore nothing at all
	Claiming that this was for Hungary!

Ennyi eleg mara. Bye-bye!  Lord Epping of Veszprem

> 
> Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was 
backing up
> Yo momma so fat her nickname is "DAMN"
> Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
> Yo momma so fat were in her right now
> Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise
> Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
> Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
> Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...
> Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her 
for
> then new world
> Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling 
Free Willy
> Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
> Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
> Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says 
"okay!"
> Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said 
"Taxi!"
> Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
> Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
> Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
> Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her 
pockets
> Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
> Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge 
too
> Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide 
Turn"
> Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE 
HOUSE!
> Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, 
please"
> Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
> Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
> Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
> Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do 
livestock.
> Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
> Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code!
> Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
> Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
> Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
> Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
> Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A.,  
Chicago...
> Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
> Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
> Yo momma so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
> Yo momma so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the 
wet
> spot to fuck her!
> Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on 
the
> bitches good side!
> Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
> Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to 
ride HER!
> Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george
> washington's nose.
> Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!
> Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
> Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
> Yo momma so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!
> Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
> Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
> Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
> Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
> Yo momma so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
> Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
> Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
> Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
> Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
> Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
> Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
> Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
> Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like 
she's
> wearin tights!
> Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car! 
> Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
> Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
> Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
> Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"
> Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
> Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
> Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th
> Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too
> Yo momma so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please
> Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it!
> Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!
> Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
> Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
> Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee 
jumping
> Yo momma so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee 
jumping,
> they hit the ground.
> Yo momma so fat when she back up she beep.
> Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
> Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
> Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying 
to
> get up again.
> Yo momma so fat she influences the tides.
> Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of 
gas.
> Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.
> Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
> Yo momma so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
> Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
> Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
> Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her
> Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
> Yo momma so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
> Yo momma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came 
back
> she had on flip flops.
> Yo momma so fat shes on both sides of the family
> Yo momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass
> Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a 
twinkie on
> the other side just to get her through
> Yo momma so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, 
they
> have to install speed bumps.
> Yo momma so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
> Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
> Yo momma so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
> Yo momma so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters 
try
> to land on her back!
> Yo momma so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
> Yo momma so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push 
her
> back in the water
> Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out
> Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
> Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite 
pictures
> Yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
> Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached 
her
> waist they spelled out boulevard.
> Yo momma so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George
> Washington's nose.
> Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
> Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
> Yo momma so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows 
up and
> tries to tow her back into the ocean.....
> Yo momma so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode 
the 
> bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.
> Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
> Yo momma so fat she was baptised in the ocean.
> Yo momma so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
> Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her
> through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
> Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw 
that rock?"
> Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the
> green arrow!
> Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital 
stretch marks.
> Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to 
her farts!!!
> Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay 
because
> we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
> Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
> Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) 
sign,
> she went home and got 16 friends
> Yo momma so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran
> outside with a spoon
> Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" 
because
> she couldn't read
> Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-
up her mind
> Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
> Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
> Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
> Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
> Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical 
order!
> Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
> Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
> Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
> Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
> Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
> Yo momma so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
> Yo momma so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"
> Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she 
slept.
> Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write
> below the dotted line she put "O.K."
> Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
> Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.
> Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
> Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
> Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
> Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel 
Prize
> winners.
> Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul 
Train.
> Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?", she 
marked, "M,
> F and sometimes Wednesday too."
> Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
> Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
> Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
> Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
> Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at 
McDonalds!
> Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
> Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care 
center.
> Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv 
shows at home.
> Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22
> twice instead.
> Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
> Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax 
refund.
> Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
> Yo momma so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, 
she
> put "Hooked on Phonics."
> Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating 
your house.
> Yo momma so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about 
she
> was trying to makeup her mind.
> Yo momma so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
> Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, 
no
> professionals."
> Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for 
mooning.
> Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a
> treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
> Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla 
cookies.
> Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
> Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out 
for
> Star Wars.
> Yo momma so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her 
ankle,
> they put it around her neck
> Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
> Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the
> surveillence cameras
> Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
> Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get 
the
> dogs to play with her.
> Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, 
people say
> "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
> Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
> Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own 
projects.
> Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
> Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
> Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!
> Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 
hours.
> . .for a quote!
> Yo momma so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!
> Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
> Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
> Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
> Yo momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
> Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
> Yo momma so ugly she had to get her baby drunk to breastfeed it!
> Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
> Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life
> Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
> Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
> Yo momma so ugly if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!
> Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints
> Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry!
> Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
> Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats 
try
> to bury her.
> Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.
> Yo momma so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog 
will
> play with her!
> Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
> Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own 
projects.
> Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so 
that he
> doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
> Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
> Yo momma so old she has Jesus' beeper number!
> Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!
> Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the 
switch'
> Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history 
class.
> Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!
> Yo momma so old she's in Jesus's yearbook!
> Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
> Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
> Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
> Yo momma so old she owes Jesus a nickel.
> Yo momma so old when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the 
switch.
> Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
> Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
> Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
> Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
> Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
> Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 
and
> said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".
> Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I 
asked
> her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
> Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
> Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!
> Yo momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other 
people's
> fingers!!!
> Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"
> Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on 
layaway.
> Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on 
layaway.
> Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
> Yo momma so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other
> people's fingers.
> Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
> Yo momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags.  I 
said,
> "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
> Yo momma so poor she drives a peanut.
> Yo momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air
> conditioning.
> Yo momma so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!
> Yo momma so dark she spits chocolate milk!
> Yo momma so dark she went to night school and was marked absent.
> Yo momma so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.
> Yo momma so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie
> Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.
> Yo momma so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.
> Yo momma so short she poses for trophies!
> Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!
> Yo momma so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
> Yo momma so short she can play handball on the curb.
> Yo momma so short she does backflips under the bed.
> Yo momma so short she models for trophys.
> Yo momma so nasty when she goes to a hair salon, she told the 
stylist to
> cut her hair and she opened up her shirt
> Yo momma so nasty She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the 
crabs fresh!
> Yo momma so nasty she made speed stick slow down.
> Yo momma so nasty she brings crabs to the beach
> Yo momma so nasty she made right guard turn left.
> Yo momma so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave
> Yo momma so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.
> Yo momma so nasty that her sh*t is glad to escape.
> Yo momma so nasty Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off
> Yo momma so nasty that pours salt water down her pants to keep her 
crabs fresh.
> Yo momma so nasty I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear 
infection.
> Yo momma like potato chips-- Fri-to Lay
> Yo momma like a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to 
loosen up! 
> Yo momma like the pillbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke!
> Yo momma like a doorknob - everyone gets a turn!
> Yo momma like a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!
> Yo momma like a doorknob, everyone gets a turn!
> Yo momma like a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride!
> Yo momma like a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!
> Yo momma like the railway system, she gets laid all over the 
country!
> Yo momma like a tomato source bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out 
of her!
> Yo momma like a shotgun: one cock and she blows!
> Yo momma like a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!
> Yo momma like Domino's pizza-- Something for nothing
> Yo momma like a refridgerator: everyone likes to put their meat in 
her!
> Yo momma like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
> Yo momma like a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded.
> Yo momma like a bowling ball.  She's picked up, fingered, and then
> thrown in the gutter.
> Yo momma like a bus:  Guys climb on and off her all day long.
> Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!"
> Yo momma like Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"
> Yo momma like a bubble-gum machine... five cents a blow.
> Yo momma like chinese food:  sweet, sour and cheap!
> Yo momma like a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.
> Yo momma so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!
> Yo momma so hairy she's got afros on her nipples!
> Yo momma so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
> Yo momma so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
> Yo momma so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody
> calls her Hair Jordan.
> Yo momma so slutty she could suck-start a Harley!
> Yo momma so slutty she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch 
ball!
> Yo momma so slutty when she got a new mini skirt, everyone 
commented on
> her nice belt!
> Yo momma so slutty she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs 
open,
> and it said "breakfast of the champs" 
> Yo momma so slutty that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in 
line
> behind me had the correct change.
> Yo momma so slutty she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity 
drive
> Yo momma so slutty that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she
> thought she was getting it three times.
> Yo momma so slutty I fucked her and I's a chick!
> Yo momma so slutty she blind and seeing another man.
> Yo momma nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!
> Yo momma nose so big she makes Pinochio look like a cat!
> Yo momma so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
> Yo momma so greasy she sweats Crisco!
> Yo momma so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her
> Yo momma teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
> Yo momma teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
> Yo momma so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy 
has two jobs.
> Yo momma so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio
> Yo momma so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.
> Yo momma so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.
> Yo momma so bald even a wig wouldn't help!
> Yo momma so bald you can see whats on her mind
> Yo momma so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.
> Yo momma so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the 
moon.
> Yo momma so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
> Yo momma so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in 
Florida.
> Yo momma so flat she's jealous of the wall!
> Yo momma's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she 
can see
> people waving.
> Yo momma's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
> Yo momma has an afro with a chin strap.
> Yo momma has one leg and a bicycle.
> Yo momma has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.
> Yo momma has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.
> Yo momma has one hand and a Clapper.
> Yo momma has a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.
> Yo momma has green hair and thinks she's a tree.
> Yo momma has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what 
you're saying.
> Yo momma has a 'fro with warning lights.
> Yo momma has 10 fingers--all on the same hand.
> Yo momma has a glass eye with a fish in it.
> Yo momma has a short leg and walks in circles.
> Yo momma has a short arm and can't applaude.
> Yo momma got so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!
> Yo momma got two wooden legs and one is one backward.
> Yo momma got three fingers and a banjo.
> Yo momma got a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.
> Yo momma got a bald head with a part and sideburns.
> Yo momma got a' afro, wit' a chin strap!!!!
> Yo momma got a wooden leg with branches.
> Yo momma got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in 
jail.
> Yo momma got a metal afro with rusty sideburns.
> Yo momma house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had 
to go
> outside to eat it.
> Yo momma house so small she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.
> Yo momma house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
> Yo momma house so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!
> Yo momma house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes 
outside.
> Yo momma hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.
> Yo momma hair so short she curls it with rice.
> Yo momma head so big she has to step into her shirts.
> Yo momma head so big it shows up on radar.
> Yo momma head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow.
> Yo momma head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.
> Yo momma wears knee-pads and yells "Curb Service!"
> Yo momma feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!
> Yo momma aint so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back!
> Yo momma lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.
> It took yo momma 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldnt 
get
> used to the front seat!
> You were born out of your mother's arse 'cos her cunt was too busy.
> Yo momma hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.
> Yo momma hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
> Yo momma so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
> Yo momma so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
> Yo momma twice the man you are.
> Yo momma cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.
> Yo momma is missing a finger and can't count past 9.
> Yo momma arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her 
ear.
> Yo momma middle name is Rambo.
> Yo momma in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna puch me 'round 
no more."
> Yo momma rouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve 
Happy Meals.
> Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember 
her
> birthday.
> If my dog had a face as ugly as your momma's, I'd shave his ass and 
make
> him walk backwards.
> Yo momma mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.
> Yo momma gums are so black she spits Yoo-hoo.
> Yo momma breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck.
> I saw your momma at the freak show petting the world's largest 
turtle.
> I saw your momma kicking a can down the street. I asked her what 
she was
> doing,  and she said "Moving."
> Yo momma teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.

Szevasz SzucsPityu!

Itt a megoldas a problemadra:

 I.-ha N paratlan, akkor egyszeres tagadasrol van szo alruhaban,
   -ha N paros, akkor lapos trefanak estel aldozatul
II.-ha N>5, akkor igencsak be fogsz csavarodni (most megusztad...)

Amugy itt van Neked egy PROBLEMA+megvmi:
    ------Kin van szemuveg a kovetkezo mondatban?-------
      "Szemuvegben nem imertem fel."
    
    -----------Ez pedig magaert beszel...---------------
      "A pilotak felsorakoztak gepeik mellett, orrukon
       megcsillant a napfeny."

Hello, kedves MOKKAs emberek!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Naha't, lebuktattak! Tenyleg nem gesztenyebarna a hajam.
Kedves S66... , tudsz spanyolul?

Gazembernek az enekorarol:
  En a kovetkezo befejezest ismerem:
    - La'ngokban a'll a ha'z, subidubidu...
    
Hong Kong Zolija! Kosz a megtiszteltetest, mennek a viccek:


Kovacs rajtakapja feleseget egy fiatal ferfivel.
A hajat tepi es ordit:
 - Tudtam! Tudtam!
Mire kovacsne':
 - Na, igen, de o" most is tud!

  ---------------------------------------------

 - Hogy tudtal egy ilyen csunya not felesegul venni?
 - Ezt te nem ertheted. O belulrol szep.
 - Akkor miert nem forditod ki?

  ---------------------------------------------

 - Te, lajos, miert valtal el egy het utan?
 - Mert a felesegem egy fejjel magasabb nalam.
 - Na, es? Ez va'look?
 - Ha latnad azt a fejet...
 
  ---------------------------------------------

 - Ide halgass, Lujza! Az a gyanum, hogy Lacika
nem tolem van!
 - Hogy mondhatsz ilyet, Jeno? Eppen, hogy a Lacika
van toled!...

> -----------------------------------------------
Es egy sztori, ma esett meg:
  Egyik nagyeloadonk teteje uvegtablakbol van, es nehany macska 
megtalalta, azota eloszeretettel hancuroznak rajta. Az uvegteto ket 
oldalan vannak a neonlampak, hogy latni is lehessen valamit. Ahogy 
hu:l az ido, egyre jobban odaszoknak a macsekok, es lentrol lehet 
latni, ahogy sutkereznek a csovek alatt. (Jo feludules gyengebb 
eloadasok idejen...) Egyikuk ma is betelepedett, ekkor hangzott el az 
alabbi parbeszed:
  - Nezd! Megint ott egy macska a lampaban.
  - Je'! En azt hittem, abban Neon vagy Kripton van.
Kackackac
> -----------------------------------------------

Relax!...
                                        Rubio

A helyzet szignaturaja ugy kulminalodott, hogy hajlando vagyok 
definialni, mi is a haboru.
A haboru nem egy oly teorema, amely absztrakt premisszakbol 
redukalhato, hanem egy eppen olyan hipotetikusan koncentralhato 
irrealis faktum, amelynek realis indukcioi vannak...

- Hogy hivjak a kavezo ciganyt?
- Jacobs a roma...

A csiga tanakodik magaban: 
Hulye vagyok en?
Dehogy vagyok hulye... De megis hulye vagyok!...
En hulye? Dehogy is, miert pont en lennek hulye?
De megis... hulye vagyok... Ugyan mar, hogy lennek en hulye, en 
vagyok a legjobb csavo az erdoben. Nem vagyok hulye. Ezt le is 
kopogom...(kop-kop-kop)... Ki az? Ja en! De hulye vagyok!